I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
