i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize