in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
