This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
