I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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