I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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