dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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