This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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