dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
