god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
