Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
