dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
