I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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