this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
