My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
