i permit you to call me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
