my sisters under your porch take her home
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
