Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think my vagina is haunted
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
