I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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