thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize