Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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