I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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