Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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