tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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