I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
