You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
