If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
