How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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