She is in my trunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
