So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I pour the whiskey from now on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
