I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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