PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
