this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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