Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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