Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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