I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
