Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
