Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
