i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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