Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
