Who wears a wallet chain?!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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