he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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