OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
