I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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