She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
