I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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