I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love accidental penises.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
