just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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