I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
