it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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