Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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