everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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