dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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