my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
