I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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