so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
