I cockslap morals
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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