On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
