Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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