if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
