so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
