I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
