So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
