I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
