dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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