She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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