When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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