i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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